anxiety · blog · daily · diary · life · social anxiety · thought

A disorder I hate with all my heart

Social anxiety. A small little disorder that I feel is ruining my life little by little.

For example, on rare occasions when I’m at a social gathering I just have this constant desire to get out of there, and when I do, I feel terrible afterwards. Like people are judging me for ditching them or something. And I really wish I could tell them what’s really going on but I never do because I feel like they wouldn’t understand so instead I make up an excuse of why I have to leave. And then after the door is closed behind me, I feel like huge wave of judgement is invisibly splashing at me. Yeah, not the most pleasant thing in the world.

daily · Monday

Monday

Hello friends.

Today is just the kind of day when you wanna complain cause you wanna sleep the whole goddamn day away. Yep, welcome to Monday. Gladly it’s over here in Finland soon.

I don’t wanna seem nagging but beginning of the week really isn’t my favorite time. And I bet someone can agree with me. Maybe. Hopefully… At least Garfield is on my side.

Mondays-are-the-worst-day-of-the-weekwpid-Photo-8-Jul-2013-1223-AM1

But really, hope you’ll have/ you had a good start of the week 🙂

10 things · about me · blog

8 Un-Girly Confessions

I like being the tomboy-hipster-kind of girl that I am but in other words I’d say I’m pretty average. And looking around on social media, there are a lot of things about the ‘Just Girly Things’-pictures that I just don’t match with. And here are 8 of them.

1. I don’t always do my eyebrows. Sometimes I leave them un-plucked because there isn’t always time, simply.

2. I don’t enjoy shopping. This one refers to shopping in clothing store because I am a pretty clueless little girl when it comes to fashion.

3. I’ve never seen The Notebook completely. Don’t kill me. I know it’s a very popular movie and all, but it just hasn’t catched my interest.

4. I’m not a Directioner. Also now, don’t kill me. I didn’t say anything bad, their music is just not my type.

5. I’ve only been to Starbucks once in my life. And I didn’t really see what the big deal was. Yup..

6. I don’t own any expensive, merch clothing. Call me a failiure as a girl, but it’s not for me. And not owning it doesn’t bother me at all so doesn’t matter.

7. I don’t have an Instagram-account.

8. I’ve never owned a pair of Converse-shoes. 

depression

Stressed & Depressed

So as I’ve mentioned in a post pretty far back, I am clinically depressed and have to take medication for it.
And I’ve been off it a while by choice but it feels like once you break, you can’t be fully healed. At least in my case. My scars may be shut but the inside is still not quite stable. And its hard to live with because all I wanna do is move on. But I can’t. Because its part of me. So they can tell me to let go all they want but they wont truly understand until it happens to them. Yeah I’m gonna need my medicine back. Even though its like a bandaid that keeps falling off.