depression · life · recovery

Recovery | Current mood: Invincible unicorn β­

Hello world.

I feel better than I have in years. Because as I have mentioned a bit previously, I have struggled with severe depression and social anxiety for 3-4 years now. I have been to hell and back and unfortunately I have also been suicidal more times than you can count on your fingers, same goes with visits to both therapists and councelors. It had got to the point where I saw no way out. That was until recently when I had like a personal epiphany (or something) that I have been holding on to the past sorrows and problems – that honestly do not matter anymore in the life I am living right now. So it just hit me in the face like a facepalm of sudden clarity that it’s about damn time for me to let it go already. So I made up my mind and did it. And words can not describe how relieved and free I feel after doing that. I’m not saying it’s completely over for my part but the rocks on my shoulders that were caused by this mental illness are starting to crumble. If this is not it, I can proudly say that I am on the road to recovery and for the first time in ages – I have survived my first day today without being down. And it’s just the most fantastic feeling imagineable for me. I feel like I can finally breathe because I have broken down the thick walls I have built around me over the years. I am not calling myself a warrior because it has had more control over me than I’d like to admit, but I am a survivor because I am still here wherther the world likes it or not. My personal, iner battle is defeated to the most part and I feel proud of myself for the first time in what feels like forever. And if you’re reading this and you’re going through something similar, let me just tell you – if I can survive this, you sure as hell can too. Stay strong, everyone πŸ™‚

That’s all I have to say for today. Have a good continuing day πŸ™‚

life

Graduations

Hello world.

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Quote of the day:Β Take a few deep breaths, face the demons from the past, let them go and move on.

**

Today has been pretty fully-booked on my schedule. Woke up at 7:30 this morning to start getting ready for my brothers graduation from primary school. The event itself was at 9 but since we live half an hour away from the county-part where the event was, we took an hour extra to get ready which was good for me because, I can say with pretty great certainty that I am one of the worlds biggest procrastinators. I have to be in the top 100’s when it comes to getting ready. First of all I am not very girly so as long as I know where everything is and I can reach it fast, I can be ready in 20 minutes or less. Okay, back to the topic. The graduation even was beautiful with songs, scholarship-distribution, speeches from teachers and the principal and lastly the graduation of the 9th graders. That’s the second one of us 3 siblings to graduate, one to go. Proud of my brother πŸ™‚

Also, an hour after was a little family get-together at my cousins house who graduated his studies yesterday. The weather was nice to us and it was fun to see my relatives again. They had a nice little touch of having sparkling rose-wine as a welcoming drink. Think I might copy that idea for my graduation next year. Sorry, cous!

No but really, this day has been really fun and a nice change to the recent stress I’ve gone through quite a lot. At least it’s summer break now so there’s a lot more chances to take it easy and just enjoy life. Think I’m gonna let myself do that this year instead of worrying myself crazy over everything. Sounds like a plan πŸ™‚

Alright, I’m gonna go for a walk now. Have a good day πŸ™‚

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daydreaming · life

Summerbreak

Hello world. Yes, this is a re-write of a post I wrote earier, but I wanted to make a one that wasn’t so blurry so I made a whole new one instead. Hope you wont be so confused now.

School ended for the year today and I feel pretty great about it. Because lately I have been feeling quite stressful since I am living a very changing time of my life. I’ve recently gotten hired as a part-timer at a restaurant I’ve recently had a work experience in from school and so on, so my life is a bit busier than just sitting infront of the computer, no-lifing while watching YouTube videos all day. I am not gonna complain because I have been thinking a lot about applying for a job so this is a fantastic opportunity for me.

I am not so femiliar about how the rest of the world does this but here in Finland we arrange graduation for those who finish primary school (9th grade). I had this for about 2,5 years ago and on Saturday its my second oldest brother’s turn. I am definitely gonna go see it. Even though it’s probably gonna be a bit weird to go to that old school and see another one of these graduations, but luckily I will not be up on that yellow-ish wooden stage this time. I still have a repressed-memory of the dress I wore. Don’t know why the hell I thought it was a good idea to wear that uncomfortable thing… Okay, let’s continue the blogpost before I’ll have a Danisnotonfire-kind of cringe attack.

Moving on.

On Saturday aswell my year older cousin will have a little gathering for family because it’s the day when he graduates his car-mechanic studies. It’s crazy when I think about it. Seems like only a few weeks ago he had just started and I was in 9th grade. But now he’s reached the point where he graduates and next year that will be me. I don’t want to seem old with my 18 years when I say that time goes hella fast. Can someone agree? I can almost gurantee you can.

Alright that’s all I have for today. Hope you’ll have a fantastic day πŸ™‚

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daydreaming · life

I drew on myself

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Hello world. What did you get up to on this Sunday? I drew on myself. Yep.

I have very long been fascinated about getting a bird tattoo so I drew a very bad example on my wrist here and took some pictures of it. If not this then maybe an anchor. My first choice would be birds though. Hopefully not as crappy as my cluttering you just had to witness. But yes, birds.

life · my little chats

Another little simple chat

Hello world. How are you? Good? That’s great.

I am myself too, feeling rather relaxed today and since I don’t have much to write about, here goes another one of my random info of my life-chats. Sorry not sorry.

My day has not been so eventful. Last week I finally got a Visa-card so I went to transfer some over to that today. First thing I purchased was a liquorice & vanilla icecream (yes, liquorice is very popular over here). Paid by card and noted the weirded look the guy gave me when I took the reciept for the icecream as it’s probably not very usual. Awkward moment of the day, check! If anyone else has managed to do something awkward today, virtual high five for you πŸ™‚ There, isn’t it good to know you’re not alone? Right? I am just talking to myself aren’t I..?

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Summer break is less than a week away, which feels very unreal. In about a week, one of my cousins also graduates from car-mechanic studies so I was trying on some dresses today because I’m a freaking lady, haha. Think I’ve found my favorite. Picture will be up closer to next weeks saturday.

Also, the grand final of Eurovision is coming up tomorrow, Saturday, and I am excited about that as usual which is completely normal for a Eurovision-fan like me. Sadly this year only two nordic countries made it to the final, Sweden and Norway so best of luck to them. My personal favorite this year is Estonia, who has a duet this year. And the reason it’s my favorite is because it has that sort of mystique in it that you can’t quite explain. Either way I should probably stop listening to it all the time so I won’t get sick of it. But I guess that’s what happens when you love a song. Let’s see how it goes tomorrow πŸ™‚

That’s all from my chattering for today. Hope you’ll have a good continuing day πŸ™‚

life · Music

Taylor has done it again.

Hello world.

Yesterday, 17.5, one of my favorite artists’, Taylor Swift’s new music video for the song Bad Blood was realeased. And it is just fantastic. Even though it’s an unusual collab with a rapper that has not really been seen from Taylor before, it was really not a bad one. And it’s once again made with class just like she always has done (at least if you ask me) and I am personally getting really tired of the typical ass-shaking music videos, that feel like one is released every second, so this is a definite 15/10. Is that possible? Β Yes it is!