I’ll be discussing another dilemma again. That’s twice today. But it’s good to talk instead of just bottle it up and this is my blog so I feel like at least here I can open up about what’s going on with me.
I’ve been really sad lately. It’s been like moodswings but with most negative ones. And I’m getting pretty tired of it. Being sad, stressed and down all the time really drains you and that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling this week. My school nurse even told me that I could be close to a burnout because of this. No wonder. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and I don’t know how to handle it. I’d like to be calm like I know I can be but it’s difficult. Difficult when you’re dealing with school, work, sleep deprivation, emotions and crap like that. Plus this fucking cold that decided like
”Oh I know what will be fun. To be a part of this already super-stressed student’s life. Yeah that’ll be great. I’ll just jump in here. Hope you like stuffed noses that lead to nosebleeds and cold-medicine that tastes like shit”
I’m sorry. I usually try not to swear so actively on here but I just like to keep it real today. Plus swearing is therapeutic. In other words, September has not been my month. October, please be nice to me.
Alright, That’s all the venting I have for today. Hope you’ll have a good starting on your October!
I’m just gonna throw this out there. It’s almost 7 in the morning and not that anyone cares but I think a lot. Maybe a bit too much sometimes.
Social media. Most of us has at least one account somewhere. I myself have this blog, a Twitter and Facebook-account and I’ve recently become very addicted to Snapchat. I don’t have Instagram. I used to but haven’t had it in a year now. I have to say social media makes me feel very anxious sometimes. Which is pretty freaking ridiculous since it’s an abstract thing. That’s all it is. Pixels on a screen. Yet it’s used as a huge part of judgement and popularity. You can literally decide wherther you like someone or not based on their social media without even getting to know the person in real life. That’s honestly kind of scary when you think about it. How shallow the world has become. Or has it always been like this? I can’t tell you. I’m just an 18 year old overthinker.
I’d like to just delete my accounts sometimes. Just disappear from all social medias. I think I could easily do that if I were motivated enough. But the question is, would I be able to adjust to the life that comes with it? Would I stress over the fact that I don’t know what’s going on in the virtual world? Could I spend time doing more productive things instead of being glued to a screen for a certain amount of hours? Would I actually have a life I’d be proud of?
This is not my week. I have to be honest. All this schoolwork to catch up on, my lack of sleep, bad luck, constant stress and it’s all just straight up fucks me up. But luckily its Friday tomorrow. I really look forward to sleep in.
It’s almost 3:30 in the morning here. I can’t sleep. My medication keeps me up. So I thought since I can’t sleep, I’m gonna look at some movies I’d like to watch when I have time. And I ended up with quite the selection.
So here is my Netflix-list:
Living on One Dollar
Ps. I love You
Letters To Juliet
The Last Song
I’ve actually completed two movies off this list already. 6 Years and The Last Song. That movie which has my kryptonite-song in it. I just can’t help but burst into tears when Miley Cyrus’ song When I Look At You comes on. I can’t handle it. Little random fact for you there. 6 Years was a really good indie-movie that had a very powerful story. I will not say more as I don’t want to spoil incase anyone gets inspired to watch these movies. Remember Me is a movie I’ve started watching recently. Also looking forward to watching Precious as it was really talked about a few years ago but I still haven’t seen it. Now I’ve found it on Netflix though so I can’t wait as I want to dedicate this fall to movies and books.
Hey by the way 🙂 If you have any books you’d recommend, feel free to share.
Autumn has started. I don’t know when it’s officially supposed to but I’d like to say it has and I am freaking loving it. All the colorful leaves, warm drinks, fuzzy socks, blankets. Ah. Call me basic but it’s fantastic. It is my favorite time of the year. Or actually this time up to christmas just makes me the most happy. And happiness is important so I must be doing something right.
In other ‘exiting news in my life’, I went back to school on Wedesday because I was really feeling going back to reality as I had missed out on quite a lot during these almost 2 weeks. I feel normal again now that I am not closed inside those 4 walls of the hospital. It’s just something about it that makes me feel so weird. Speaking of which I never realised how comfy my bed was compared to the rockhard plank-like hospital bed that I lied on for 5 days.
Tomorrow is Friday though and I already finish school at 10:45. I don’t really have anything planned for the weekend as usual because I don’t seem to ever become one of those people who like to spend their weekends out. And in all honesty I really don’t mind. As long as I enjoy it it doesn’t depress me, as I have been setting more time and focus on things that make me happy. Thinking it was about damn time as I am already 18 and considered an adult while I feel like a 5 year old on the inside.
Alright, now I feel like watching an indie-movie as I have planted such a deep post on the internet. Oh come on, its autumn, I’m feeling cozy and I can hear rain outside which just adds to the feeling. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t mind that aswell, haha 🙂
So after having spent 5 days in the hospital and had stuck more needles in my arm than I can count on my fingers, I am now finally going home and it’s honestly such a relief. I don’t really have that much to say except that I am glad to finally be able to go back to reality tomorrow and catch up on school work before it piles up in a massive chunk on my desk. But for now I’m taking my medicated self to bed.