Hello blog & Happy Saturday
I’ve had a bit of a drought here on the blog lately. I’ve felt a little brain-dead and I think it has to do with all these 6.30 mornings I’ve had and I’ve lost a lot of sleep. I do, however, have two days off coming up so I’m looking forward to that more than anything after I’ve had so much going on for the past weeks.
So maybe now would be a good time for a little chit-chat post.
I have been overthinking a lot lately, whether it’s been school, work or life in general. I have been really stressed out and thought only the worse when I’ve felt like crap, and that has only resulted in me feeling even worse. My main thought has been my applications and it’s felt like I am gonna fail it all because I have life getting in the way at the moment and there is not much time. It has consumed so much of thought, energy, has only caused me stress and misery and resulted in me completely forgetting to give myself a break. Because my mind has just gone ”you need to do this and you need to do this and hurry, hurry, deadlines coming up!” day in and day out. It has really taken some damage on my daily mood, my ability to focus at work and my overall health . And I’ve been diagnosed with mental exhaustion, which didn’t come as a surprise to me at all.
My skin is really dry, my eyes are acting up and my under-eye circles are not exactly the most pretty thing to look at so if anyone claims that stress isn’t visible, it is visible on me at least.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not encouraging anyone to not do anything but allowing yourself to utter exhaustion and letting something constantly beat your mind, is not good for anyone. One can only take so much and you should really respect your own limits.
For now, I do not know what the future is gonna hold, but that’s okay. I didn’t know it around this time last year either. I just need to stop overthinking cause it is just making everything seem much worse than it is. I know this, but I cant change it in the moment. Hopefully I can change that.
I’ve got a blog of echoing silence, still. No can do until I get my life sorted somehow to the point where I can feel somewhat stable – if such a moment is ever to come.
In the few posts I’ve made, I have seemed slightly (or more) rambling than usual. That is because some pretty quick changes have happened to my sleep cycle over the weeks, that I wasn’t prepared enough for so now I am trying to survive these 6 am mornings somehow.
Who am I kidding, I press snooze like 2-3 times.
I’ve also got a thick pile of school work I was handed last week, that apparently need to be done in the middle of May.
Thanks for the heads up…
My main focus at the moment is to try to survive all this in one piece so that I can get some clarity over how life is gonna look like in August/September. Cause at the moment, it is very unclear, as I have probably told every single person I’ve met at this point and possibly a million times on here as well.
So I best go sleep before the rings under my eyes get any worse.
It’s me. Your stressed Finnish friend on the internet. Back at it again.
(that’s me trying to be hipster and cool. it didn’t work)
I am, as usual, caught between stress, studying, and my final weeks of my work-experience chapter. Which means for the following weeks there’s gonna be a lot of waking up at 6.45 and a lot of coffee. Although, that really isn’t new for me, haha.
I haven’t talked about it much but I attempted applying for university last month, three different ones to be exact. And I don’t have a very good feeling about it. Cause I cannot focus on it full time with the work I have left and my tutor suddenly giving me (literally) a bunch more assignments that I need to finish by the end of May. So I don’t have a very good feeling about it. But if all else fails, at least I can say I’ve read a lot of books and I’ve got myself 2 qualifications in 4 years.
Today though, I feel like I am in something I’d like to call a stress-coma, where I have so much to do that I decide not to do anything cause I simply cannot focus. I need to get a grip tomorrow.
During the course of this week I need to get the following things done: complete the first week of the 5 weeks of work-experience I have left, go clear up some stuff at the school and clean out my locker there, do some assignments, read Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park (don’t know how that’s gonna go as I have got really bad at reading books), read a few articles, go to actual work on Sunday and most importantly, manage to get some sleep in between it all.
So all in all, I am quite a mess at the moment. Not a lot of free days but what needs to be done, needs to be done. There’s no way of knowing if you don’t even try so I’ll do my best.
Alright, a very messy post from my side but I’m gonna try to keep this blog alive somehow during everything else going on.
I am very aware that I have made this particular post several times but I think I finally have the right words for it.
I just came by to say that this blog is shut down for at least a few days.
I am in a confusing time of my life where I don’t feel comfortable with myself or my blog
and I am constantly questioning my writing or if I am even any good at what I do.
It may sound crazy to some but I am living in a very confusing time of my life at the moment and I can’t focus properly and I feel like that is affecting my writing a lot.
I still love this blog very much and it means a great deal to me but I can’t seem to be able to focus on it properly so I figured the best I can do is take a long break and just simply get my shit together.
I’ve tried making new blogs but I keep falling back on this one and I think this one is the only one to go by, after a long time of consideration.
I am not your usual fancy blogger. I chose to blog about real life, and that is what is affecting me at the moment. And I believe it is only right to be true to myself instead of living in denial.
That is all. Thanks for reading, if anyone still is.