I don’t really know what to call this post. Is “thoughts on mental illness” something similar too cliche? We’ll see if that will be the title when I finish writing this.
Let’s try to get to the point that I was actually gonna talk about..
My attitude about myself and my self-image has changed so much from when I was 15-16. I was the most insecure, anxious kid and it didn’t really help that I was unfortunate enough to catch a pretty deep clinical depression and I was tall and awkward.
I still am a lot of these things. What’s changed is that I don’t let these features control me anymore. It took me 5 years but I did it. People think I’m all better now but I don’t think that these kind of things ever really leave a person. You just learn to control it. And yes, much easier said than done.
Anxiety seems to be a really popular subject nowadays for some reason. I’ve dealt with it and can easily tell you that it’s not the most simple of things to have if you actually have it.
I think most people confuse anxiety with nervousness which are two totally different things. While nervousness is common for happening before some important moment which causes your hands to shake or stuttering only in that moment regardless of the outcome – anxiety on the other hand is like a lifelong enemy trying to, with all of it’s might, make you mentally break down when you least expect it. It can also have you overthinking a situation that’s either about to happen or has happened, to very extreme length. My anxiety still gets the best of me sometimes though and I would get rid of it in an instant if I could.
But what I’ve learned to do over time, and I’m so glad I have, is that I don’t feel the need to adjust myself anymore to please others opinion on me, like I used to be obsessed with. Cause that kind of mentality is exhausting and it usually doesn’t end up good at all. So now at 20 years of age, I’ve finally started thinking that I’m done trying to fit in a mold made by someone else. From now on I’m just myself and it’s a take or leave – situation and it’s quite freeing actually